Ten Minutes twice daily

So I've been kind of lazy in that I've not been meditating regularly of late. Just using it as a tool at crisis points when it all became too much and I felt like exploding!

But last night and this morning I sat for ten minutes in my room and breathed.  And got carried away by a thought or ten, and remembered what I was doing, and came back to my breathing again.

Ten minutes and I was out of that room more aware of my self and surroundings, more aware of my breath, more aware of those around me and how I interact with them.  And then there's something more than just that.  A peace around and between everything that draws me closer to the world.

So my new years resolution, and I will follow this one through - ten minutes sitting each morning and evening, come hell or high water.

Sinking into Seiza

Training again at the dojo last night when I had an epiphany of sorts.

Taking instruction form Tom Helsby, he told us to place our bodies on the floor when rolling, to see how quietly we could do it.

I went back to my rolling and concentrated on placing my body on the ground and placing my attention there.  I found that, suddenly, my awareness had shifted and I was heavier, a lot heavier and more compact underneath, so to speak.

Let me try to explain.  I have been reading about how to allow one's weight to 'sink down' naturally.  Everything wants to sink down to the earth due to gravity.  Our body is designed through thousands of years of evolution to stand up under this pull, to move under this pull.  Now I think a problem for a lot of people, and certainly for me, is that our minds get in the way and tell us how to stand.   Or we distract ourselves completely from our body awareness and get lost in thought, hunching out of alignment and loping around under the pull of gravity.

So in my reading about sinking weight, I have spent some time just standing and feeling from within, how my weight sinks down into my feet.  Last night I was suddenly able to feel how my weight sunk whilst rolling and it made the rolls quieter, faster, smoother and my stance coming out of them stronger.

Then sitting Seiza (see O Sensei's sitting posture above) at the end of class I could feel how all my weight sank down into the triangulation made by my body.  The weight could be felt almost as a tangible pyramid shape encompassing my body.  Hard to put into words, it's not something the mind can label easily.

I was reminded later after class of a training accident some years back when I was thrown forward, landed on my left shoulder too heavily, snapped my collar bone, continued my roll forward and came out of the roll sitting perfectly and very stably in seiza.  As soon as I felt that bone snap my mind shut up, my body relaxed and the roll and the sitting position happened perfectly naturally.   Interesting to note that my rolling and sitting are only now beginning to catch up consciously with what my body was able to do spontaneously in an emergency some five years ago!

Intention

I have been reading 'The Principles of Effortless Power' by Pater Ralston and came across a fascinating experiment yesterday.

Lift your hand.

Now ask, who lifted your hand?

My first response is that I did.

So ask, how?

After answering that I just did and questioning this again one eventually comes to the apparent answer that one did it with one's mind.

So, leave your hand in place and ask it to rise with your mind.

I find that I can talk to it with my mind, scream at it and it won't budge.

The mind does not lift the hand.

There seems to be a translator, if you like, between mind and body.  Peter Ralston calls it intention.  Tom Helsby explains it like this : Decide to lift your arm with your mind, send out your intention, Ki follows this intention and your body follows this Ki and raises the arm.

I am finding this fascinating.  As I move about I find that, if I am conscious and sensitive enough, my mind's chatter, the 'I' that I relate to even, has little to do with how I operate in this physical environment.  There is a broader, deeper part of my mind that has everything to do with it. 

So is this field of intention 'I'?

Further writings on Intention can also be found in Carlos Casteneda's books. Recommended.

Take the head off

Just back from the dojo.  We were looking at entering into the attack but off the line of attack.  Meeting the attack with our arm as a result of stepping in and placing our hips into it.  Then we turn around to let the attack continue down into the space we previously occupied.

This is called Irimi (entering) and Tenkan (turning).  The technique then happens naturally, and which technique happens depends on the distance and timing (ma-ai) and what the attacker does in response to your movement.

Too often we forget what we're doing.  We meet the attack, then turn away and grab the limb and do the technique.  This is a martial art.  We should meet the attack, stay focused on and into uke (the attacker), take their head off with our counter attack or atemi, our spirit or gaze, then sink under their centre, roll our body around their body movement and finish off with the technique that happens naturally - the last 5%.

Till I forget again!

Worry

The more I worry, the less life flows, the more it all knots up until it comes to a head in thoroughly crap day or an explosive argument with Catherine, my beloved partner.

On a moment to moment basis I am aware (when I am alert enough, conscious enough) of my mind as it churns out possible things to be concerned about.  Future events that may happen (Ooh, I hope not!) or may not happen (Ooh what if that doesn't come through?) that my mind would mull over and, indeed, does mull over fairly constantly.

As I remain sober almost a year on, meditate and study all these amazing and simple teachings available to us,  I am becoming aware of how much useless activity is being generated by my mind.   And it's not just useless, but it generates worried and fearful emotions that cost me energy.  This in turn costs me in body tension and posture.

What I find myself doing in response to this realization is waiting for this process to stop.  And so, of course, it never does.  I am once again looking to the future when all will be well, when in reality all is well now.  As Eckhart Tolle is fond of urging us to ask, "What problems have I got now, in this moment?".

The real challenge is to accept in full the totality of one's self and where you are at now.

Interesting side effect of meditation or mind watching, is as one becomes aware of how much mental chatter is going on, it feels as if it is increasing.  I don't believe that this is actually the case though.  It's like, you see trees every day but only when you look at them closely do you notice how many leaves are on them.  And the closer you look the more leaves you see.  Sooner or later, if you're going to see the tree as it is, you have got to step back and stop following every branch.